Today's gloomy Monday column (delivered late due to IT problems) is dedicated to Andre Agassi - you cried like a girl when you lost yesterday, you need to put some weight on, and when you had any, you always had questionable barnet, but we'll miss you nevertheless.
So in addition to giving every reader a free glossy poster of garden birds, the bloody Indie has published a 'Good List' of bloody do-gooders doing bloody good.
Without wishing to sound too much like Heinrich Himmler, the graph shows a strong correlation between what the Indie deems to be 'good' and the left wing causes that millionaires in North London worry about from behind their security fences.
No less than 70% of the people on the list are "committed" to "causes", with the gold medal going by a country mile to John Bell, who as well as being religious is concerned with poverty, debt relief, race relations, environmentalism, disarmament, and gender / sexuality issues. Does this man find time to sleep?
Second and third places in the right-on parade are held by Bob Geldof and Richard Curtis, whose combined net personal worth is in the tens of millions.
Don't get me wrong, these guys have undoubtedly made the world a better place, but they don't have the monopoly on 'good', do they?
No sign of Warren Buffet or Bill Gates, who together have donated countless billions to charitable causes. The fact that they're white, American, global capitalists places them well beyond the Indie's pale.
One of the gents on the list, Dr Muhammad Abdul Bari, runs the Muslim Council of Britain, and said in a recent interview with the Torygraph that,
"Modesty is very attractive…arranged marriages are a good idea… pre-marital sex is wrong, cohabitation is wrong… Britain would definitely be better off without alcohol."
This presents a dilemma to the average Telegraph reader - they would instinctively want to agree with these sentiments, which closely mirror traditional Christian values. Yet they're expressed by a representative of 'the enemy'. At the same time, the average liberal Indie reader would rather run over foxes in SUVs than support something as old fashioned as 'modesty'.
Today's wikipedia lesson is from Robert Macnamara, and is entitled "11 Lessons from Vietnam"
1. We misjudged the geopolitical intentions of our adversaries … and we exaggerated the dangers to the United States of their actions.
2. We viewed the people and leaders of South Vietnam in terms of our own experience … We totally misjudged the political forces within the country.
3. We underestimated the power of nationalism to motivate a people to fight and die for their beliefs and values.
4. Our judgments of friend and foe alike reflected our profound ignorance of the history, culture, and politics of the people in the area, and the personalities and habits of their leaders.
5. We failed to recognize the limitations of modern, high-technology military equipment, forces and doctrine…
6. We failed as well to adapt our military tactics to the task of winning the hearts and minds of people from a totally different culture.
7. We failed to draw Congress and the American people into a full and frank discussion and debate of the pros and cons of a large-scale military involvement … before we initiated the action.
8. After the action got under way and unanticipated events forced us off our planned course … we did not fully explain what was happening and why we were doing what we did.
9. We did not recognize that neither our people nor our leaders are omniscient. Our judgment of what is in another people's or country's best interest should be put to the test of open discussion in international forums. We do not have the God-given right to shape every nation in our image or as we choose.
10. We did not hold to the principle that U.S. military action … should be carried out only in conjunction with multinational forces supported fully (and not merely cosmetically) by the international community.
11. We failed to recognize that in international affairs, as in other aspects of life, there may be problems for which there are no immediate solutions … At times, we may have to live with an imperfect, untidy world.
I don't hold any strong views about whatever the hell it is that's going on in Iraq, but one could argue that we're doomed to repeat history as things stand.
By the way, the "season of mists" season discussed in last week's blog is well under way, with the good old Indie top of the list...
Tomorrow's blog will be much more lighthearted.
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