Independence Day

Pictured above is the SEC, sucking the lifeblood out of the great capitalist system. That's right, I've spent the day plodding through Mandatory Independence Training. So here's a quick quiz for you all (or 'you both') (or just 'you') (let's face it, it's just 'me'):

Question 1

Due to the illness of a colleague, you are assigned at short notice to analyse intra-month cash movements on a due diligence on a listed company in which your wife’s brother’s civil partner’s sister’s mother holds three shares. Does this impinge upon your independence?

1. Nah
2. Um…
3. Not remotely, but that’s not the point. You must sell your house immediately, inform a guy in the US firm who has no idea what or where the UK is, then move at least 500 miles from your wife’s brother’s civil partner, who’ll have to resign from his job. Then face imprisonment anyway.

Question 2

The FD of a unlisted audit client offers your brother-in-law’s non-dependent child’s half brother a large cash bung to look the other way whilst he tucks a few spare quid into an offshore SPV at the year end. Is this a reportable offence?

1. Yes, but only if you report it
   
2. No, provided you don’t get caught
3. No, because you’re not a covered person, and your brother-in-law’s non-dependent whatever is not a member of your immediate family. Nice.

Question 3

Will the advent of a million tedious checklists prevent the next Enron-style corporate meltdown?

1. No
2. Of course not