This morning’s blog title is courtesy of Gerard Depardieu, the celebrated French baquet de saindoux (‘tub of lard’ to you mon ami), perhaps best known for his portrayal of a 23 stone, um, ‘starving’ miner in the tedious early ‘90s French film ‘Germinal’, which I was lucky enough to sit through in a drafty Parisian cinema in the early 90s when I should have been doing my translation homework.
I found myself in the Lyceum Theatre on Saturday afternoon, blocking the view of the unfortunate 4 year olds sitting immediately behind me, watching ‘The Lion King’. I’ve decided that chartered accountancy will never make me rich, and will henceforth establish my fortune by flogging small branded soft toys (knocked out in Vietnamese sweatshops for 4p a throw) to yuppie children for £15. As for the show itself, there was one particular song about a depressive egomaniac whose ruthless power grab still didn't make him popular, which resonated somehow…
Scene XI - The madness of King Gordon
Enter King Gordon, crowned after an ‘accident’ disposed of Kallmitoni, his popular predecessor, prowling up and down his lonely cave, with Edballs, his hyena-in-chief
Enter King Gordon, crowned after an ‘accident’ disposed of Kallmitoni, his popular predecessor, prowling up and down his lonely cave, with Edballs, his hyena-in-chief
King Gordon: Edballs, why am I not loved? I am that rare and awesome thing, I'm every inch a king. Yet I feel a twinge of doubt, as I go walk about. When my name is whispered through the pride, is this talk of love or regicide? Tell me I'm adored, please tell me I'm adored. Day after day it gnaws at the very core of my being, it's like an itch... deep, persistent, profound...
Edballs: You are so adored, oh, you are so adored
KG: That's more like it
EB: Oh, how I miss Kallmitoni
KG: Kallmitoni?! Kallmitoni?! How dare you! I told you never to mention that name!
EB: Note taken. I shall never mention "K-k-k" again
KG: Even in death, his shadow looms over me, there he is! no! there he is! and there!
EB: Calm yourself, Sire, or you'll get another one of your splitting headaches!
KG: I am perfectly fine! I'm better than Kallmitoni was, I'm revered, I am reviled, I'm idolized, I am despised, I'm keeping calm, I'm going wild! I tell myself I'm fine.
EB: Oh, pull yourself together, Sire!
KG: Oh, very well. Edballs? Edballs, Edballs, Edballs...?
EB: Yes, Sire?
KG: Nobody loved me, there's the rub, not even as a cub. What did my brother have that I don't have?
EB: Do you want the short list or the long?
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