Eurocorruption War Contest results

If war is a continuation of politics by other means (cf. Von Clausewitz), what on earth is the warbling and prancing of the Eurovision Song Contest?

Notwithstanding Terry Wogan’s increasingly sarcastic (and perhaps inebriated) commentary about tactical voting, there may be something in it.

The map below separates the men from the boys, in terms of the pre-arranged trading of votes with one’s neighbours, based on the final scores on the doors, Isla.

Strange that Italy and Slovakia didn’t bother turning up this year, but good to see Israel hanging onto its European status though.

At the risk of equating a crappy song competition to regional geopolitics, the dividing line between dubious and scrupulous runs remarkably close to the course of the former Iron Curtain.

No less than sixteen countries happily exchanged the maximum (10 or 12) points with a direct neighbour.

Did these shenanigans in the Balkans make any difference to the result? In a word, yes, although I’m not really clever enough to work out why. For a start, Serbia’s winning margin was 33 points, way less than the 73 dubious neighbourly points it received. Also, four of the top five finishers are coloured a sinister red, whereas the highest ranked green nice guy came in at a poor 15th.

There’s probably a maths project about game theory in all this I should think.

In the manner of a hormone-laden teen disco, there’s a palpable sense of unrequited love in some areas, wherein one smitten nation gives maximum marks to a neighbour, and is rudely given the bird (‘nul points’ in Eurovisionspeak) in return. Here, then, is the list of likely future wars in Europe:

• Bosnia and/or Serbia vs Croatia (rematch of previous local derbies in 1912, 1913, and of course the more recent decade-long affair)
• Serbia vs Montenegro (residual bad feeling following the recent divorce?)
• Russia and/or Latvia vs Estonia (the Russians are furious about a statue, and doing more than withholding votes at present; the Lats are p*ssed off that the Estonians consider themselves to be Scandinavians not Balts)
• Armenia vs Turkey (just a little historical misunderstanding)
• Ukraine vs Poland (no imminent return to the Duchy of Poland, it seems)
  

But then it’s only a bit of fun, isn’t it? Isn’t it?