The brand is positioned to alienate non core customers

Well, today’s blog really was going to be a humdinger, sprinkled with a light dusting of the wittiest, most incisive, laugh-out-loud hilariously cutting stories about what goes on behind closed doors in the secretive world of financial due diligence.

Was I write, because as my finger was hovering over the Publish Post button, one of the junior chimplets, having crept up (yes, a toddler can apparently creep) behind me, switched off the plug connected to the adapter connected to the PC and yelled ‘STOP!’ with a flourish. Thus died my meisterwerk. This was no accident. Sinister forces are at work.

Instead, and as a late replacement, I bring you my two year old childrens’ considered opinions on the latest Ralph Lauren advertising campaign, which they came across whilst leafing through The Economist this morning (I wish I was joking):

Somewhat remiss on the blogging recently, for the following reasons:

• Mr A from private equity house 'M' wants me to work full time for him for the next two weeks on project '1', and
  
• Mr B from the same private equity house also wants me to work for him, on a different aspect of project '1'. Mr A and Mr B don't really speak to each other much, and
  
• Ms C from the same private equity house wants me to work for her on project '2'. She has no idea as to what Mr A and Mr B (who sit perhaps ten feet away) are up to, and
  
• Partner AA (my boss on projects '1' and '2') has also signed me up for project '3'. This also involves my full time attention, and
  
• Director AB needs me to take an active involvement in finalising the report for project '4'. This is what I've spent this evening doing, sitting in the garden with a large glass of red (and 'doing a Gordon' as listening to the Arctic Monkeys on one's iPod is now known) as the police helicopters above basked in the Streatham twilight, and
  
• Director AC, who, on the basis of never speaking to me or working with me, seems to have formed the view that I don't do any work, has lined me up for project '5', an IPO of a flaky company which will take me 1/2 way around the world for the best part of a month.
  

So if I take on project '5', projects '1' to '4' will go to hell. If I don't, Director AC will blackball me at the next promotion round for being lazy and incompetent. This is why I spent the cycle ride home wondering whether there's a timesheet code for 'General worrying about work'. There isn't. So 'Admin' will have to take another pounding.