Excel chimp: crunching numbers, counting beans

Thanks to our resident office Kiwi for the title of today's bloggage. Since it's a quiet day, there has been a degree of discussion...

...until you've walked a mile in his moccasins. At that point, you can call him whatever you want, since (1) He's a mile away and (2...

Friday's graph of the day looks at how successive generations of students have fared at the A-Levels with which I wrestled in the dark d...

Well, this is my last blog, since I'm off to spend my bonus on wine, women and song. Not bad for a year spend adding things up in Excel...

It's bonus day shortly, and I'm proud to report that my own share of the swill in the corporate trough this year is a whopping 0.000...

..have stolen my bike. Me Dick Van Dyke. Within 100 feet (although 50 of those are vertical) of my desk. My beloved Trek was 'alf i...

Spam - it used to be slimy pink meat , but is now used to mean the torrent of unwanted emails flying around the globe, most of the time on t...

Some junior editor at BBC News seems to have discovered Google Earth in recent weeks - even the meanest stories with no possible geographica...

1 in 3 of my loud, skinny, tanned South African neighbours are yuppies - a greater proportion than both London and England as a whole. But...

...make 300 people late for work? A: Simple - he insists on walking up the narrow stairs at Euston station (the only way out of the station...

Today's pointless survey is on the shirts of my colleagues. A strong showing for plain, blue shirts, which is less than surprising. What...

YAAG #3 - traffic lights report. It seems that life is happier under Ken, with 68% of the 37 traffic lights I encountered this morning showi...

...is officially the most popular occupation of the rear half of the fourth coach of the 8.51 to Waterloo. Surprisingly few iPods and BlackB...

So, like, here's a noo feature for this blog, called "Yer 'avin' a graph mate". It's very simple - you (or let...

...than cycling against a northerly wind across Clapham Common with horizontal rain lashing against your face? A: Being a fat guy on Clapham...

Severe misfortvne. My "ewe" or "yov" bvtton no longer fvnctions. I can no longer type svch accovnting favovrites as ...

"life may not always be the party we hoped for, but whilst we're here, we might as well dance" May be some firewall issues wit...

"always a pleasure, never a chore". If you knew who just said that, you'd be laughing...

An important guy at the office always includes the motto "Fail to prepare, prepare to fail" on the footer of his emails, which giv...

Between them, the seven chartered accountants who sit within ten feet of my desk have failed to read 51 of the top 100 books that Penguin...

Cycled into the office today, so am now starting to ache in places I'd forgotten I had places. I'd forgotten how pleasant it is to...

Can you picture an office that has recently been refurbished from a mid-1970s to an early 1990s standard of decor? If you listen closely, ca...