I think we need a 3-way with Philip

Appearing in a reality TV show? Need for a pre-pixellated shirt? Your problem is solved.

I spent an unhealthy amount of time this monring (New York may be a city that never sleeps, but it doesn’t do conference calls before 2pm UK time) choosing a new fridge freezer, which is exactly as dull and irritating as it sounds.

Amongst reams of data on the height, noise levels, number of egg holders, gross capacity and number of thermostats, there’s something called an ‘Energy rating’, which is a fine idea, the only problem is that practically every fridge freezer on earth is rated ‘A’, so why bother? It's a bit like GCSE results. Anyways, the damn thing (salad crisper an’ all) is being delivered next week. So sorry to be so tedious.

Some sort of coke smuggling gag here, but I can’t quite think of it.

A couple of annoying uses of corporate English that keep cropping up around here:

• The verb ‘talk to’ employed to describe anything other than one human being addressing another human being. Example: “These are the slides we’ll be talking to during the debrief.”


• The use of “It’s all about” without bothering to explain what ‘it’ is. Example: “it’s all about celebrating our values”. What is, for heaven’s sake?

Alex in the Torygraph is mid-way through an excellent run of Wall St inspired gags (here, here and here). Always remember friends, “it's not a question of enough. It's a zero sum game, somebody wins, somebody loses. Money itself isn't lost or made, it's simply transferred from one perception to another.”.

I tried that one with my mortgage company. They transferred £275 from one perception (my account) to another (their account) for the pleasure of allowing me to repay my debt early, the swine.

Next time you’re the bee-atch of some PE guy half your age and he gets all hostile on you, try the following gem from Homer’s Odyssey (c.800BC): “think twice before you challenge me; or once you have roused me, old as I am I’ll dye your lips and breast with your own blood.” At least you know where you are with the guy. Here is the whole lot if you’ve got a moment.

Speaking of warriors, a number of people have recently mentioned a fellow called Dan Millman, who has made piles and piles of cash marketing the concept of the ‘peaceful warrior.’ Not having read the guy’s oeuvre, I can’t comment on it, but it’s fair to say that I will always be slightly suspicious of someone who signs off his blog ‘Good journeys.’

Good adding stuff up and making it into graphs.