It’s seldom difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman and a ray of sunshine

We all know that Gordo is a miserable sod, but this is ridiculous. The most annoying thing about these adverts, currently plastered on every billboard and bus in London, is the phrase ‘go smokefree’ (NB no space). A most unusual verb:

• Q: Good morning, and where are you going this fine day?
• A: I’m going smokefree, of course.

Still, at least the government’s 3,200 press officers are earning their salaries. I’m no public sector accountant, but I love the way in which the £322m paid by me and my fellow citizens in 2006, to tell us what someone else thinks we need to know, is somehow ‘turnover’. In such an opaque world, no wonder no-one has any idea how much the government is spending, sorry, earning.

Apparently the fine city of Leeds "struts across England's urban stage like John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever". Good to see that the British sense of humour is alive and kicking.